John Foltz: listen

• MP3 play whole song, hi-fi (broadband)

Some of my favorite lyrics in one of my songs ever, and I didn't even write them. No, they were written by my ex-mother-in-law, and I just had to use them - with permission, of course. Though I don't know her exact muse, it is a song about love, loss, expectation, and trying to save a sinking soul that obviously doesn't want to be saved. Difficult stuff, but real.

I have tried to read the contours of your soul by touch
I have struggled, with closed eyes, to understand the moods and the turns
The jarring, rugged lines of you
I have reached with fingertips for your very essence
As if, by feel, to know you
And knowing you, to have you
I have, in awe, been willing to learn to read Braille to please you
And now I have come to know, it was you who couldn’t see

I have tried to hear the music of your life by ear
I have listened with such care to understand the joy, the pain
The wounding shadow side of you
I have awaited, with compassion, for your whispers
As if, by words, to know you
And by knowing you, to see you
I have, in hope, been willing to learn to be silent to please you
And now I have come to know, it was you who couldn’t hear

I have tried to know the embers of your fire by heart
I have struggled, with empty arms, to understand the calm and cool
Unfeeling, distant part of you
I have pleaded with trembling kisses for your passion
As if, by heat, to touch you
And by touching you, to feel you
I have, in faith, been willing to put out my fire to please you
And now I have come to know, it was you who couldn’t feel

I have tried to find the traces of your love for me
I have searched with my soul to understand the twirls and whirls
The constant-changing scape of you
I have reached, with every sense, for your being
As if, by will, to know you
And by knowing you, to love you
I have, for love, been willing to learn to forget me to find you
And now I have come to know, it was me who was lost

Lost inside of you